By Bridget Leschinsky, CDC Certified Divorce Coach®, Certified Transition and Recovery Coach®, MN Rule 114 Qualified Mediator
Key Takeaways
- A divorce coach provides emotional and strategic support, especially early in the process.
- An attorney offers legal guidance and representation.
- Hiring a coach first can save time, reduce legal costs, and help you prepare mentally and logistically.
- In high-conflict or legal emergency situations, you may need a lawyer first.
- Many people benefit from using both a coach and an attorney.
- Divorce coaching adds value at every stage, from contemplation to recovery.
Navigating divorce begins long before you file paperwork. Often, the first decision isn’t whether to stay or go—it’s who to talk to about it. If you’re at the point where you’re researching professionals to support you, one big question likely stands out –
Should you hire a divorce coach or an attorney first?
It’s a valid question. And the answer depends on your situation, emotional readiness, and the type of process you want to follow. This guide will help you make an informed decision based on facts, not fear.
What does a Divorce Coach offer?
A divorce coach is a trained professional who provides emotional, strategic, and practical support before, during, and after divorce. Unlike therapists, coaches focus on helping you move forward rather than unpack your past.
I work with clients across Minnesota to:
- Clarify their goals
- Reduce conflict
- Improve communication with a spouse
- Prepare for mediation or legal meetings
- Create co-parenting strategies
- Regulate emotions so decisions are grounded, not reactive
- Organize documents and plan financially for the next stage
Many clients reach out in the early stages, not because they’re sure they want a divorce, but because they need someone neutral to talk to who can help them think clearly and layout their options. That’s where coaching shines.
Key takeaway: A divorce coach helps you stay clear-headed and focused when you feel overwhelmed. We don’t give legal advice, we help you get ready to use legal advice effectively.
What does a Divorce Attorney do?
A divorce attorney is a licensed legal professional who can:
- File legal paperwork
- Represent you in court
- Draft legal agreements
- Advise you on your rights and obligations
In Minnesota, you’re not required to hire an attorney to get divorced, but legal counsel is important when your case involves:
- High-conflict situations
- Disputes over custody or parenting time
- Complex financial assets
- Abuse, control, or safety concerns
Attorneys provide essential legal expertise and protection. However, many of them charge hourly, so using that time wisely is key. If you’re not emotionally prepared or organized, the legal process can become longer, more expensive, and more adversarial than it needs to be.
Key takeaway: Attorneys are legal experts, and you may need one, but you don’t always need one right away.
When does Hiring a Divorce Coach First Make Sense?
1. You’re still deciding whether to divorce
Many people reach out to me in the contemplation phase. They’re unsure if they should stay, separate, or seek counseling. Coaching allows you to clarify values, assess needs, and understand your goals before taking irreversible steps.
2. You need an action plan
A coach helps you map out priorities, gather documents, prepare emotionally, and start thinking clearly. That kind of planning leads to shorter, more effective meetings with an attorney if you choose to hire one.
3. You want to save time and money
Spending $150–300/hour with a lawyer to untangle emotions isn’t cost-effective. Divorce coaching allows you to process the emotional aspects separately so legal time is used strictly for legal strategy.
4. You’re considering mediation or a cooperative process
Coaching is especially helpful for people hoping to avoid court. We prepare you to communicate effectively and stay future-focused, both essential for successful mediation.
5. You want emotional support that isn’t therapy
Divorce often involves grief, guilt, anxiety, and fear. Coaching doesn’t replace therapy, but it offers real-time strategies and forward momentum when you’re stuck or overwhelmed.
Key takeaway: Coaching sets you up for legal and emotional success. You’ll save money, reduce conflict, and feel more empowered.
When You Might Need an Attorney First?
There are situations where calling a lawyer immediately is the safest and smartest step:
1. There’s a History of Abuse or Control
If your safety is at risk, an attorney can help you file emergency orders, obtain protection, or take immediate legal action.
2. One Spouse Has Already Filed
If you’ve been served divorce papers, don’t wait to respond. Contact an attorney to review the documents and protect your interests.
3. You Anticipate a Contentious Fight
When you know your spouse will refuse to cooperate, hide assets, or fight over custody, you may need legal representation to protect your rights.
Even in these cases, working with a coach alongside your attorney can help you:
- Stay organized and calm
- Communicate with clarity
- Minimize emotional blowups that increase costs
Key takeaway: Attorneys are essential in high-conflict cases, but coaches remain valuable even then.
How Coaches and Attorneys Work Together?
You don’t have to choose one or the other. In fact, many of my clients work with both.
- I help clients clarify questions before they meet with their attorney—saving time and legal fees.
- I support emotional regulation so you can negotiate better outcomes.
- I help you prepare for mediation or legal hearings with calm, clarity, and strategy.
In collaborative divorces, I often serve as a part of the team along with attorneys, financial professionals, and child specialists. This team approach reduces conflict and builds solutions around your family’s needs.
Key takeaway: It’s not coach vs attorney. It’s coach plus attorney, working together to support your best outcome.
Where Financial Planning Fits In?
Divorce is one of the biggest financial turning points of your life. And many clients don’t feel equipped to handle it.
A divorce coach can help you:
- Organize your financial documents
- Understand what to expect in a marital balance sheet
- Build a post-divorce budget
- Identify questions to ask a financial neutral or attorney
This preparation gives you greater confidence in negotiations—and helps reduce costly back-and-forth between professionals.
Key takeaway: The more organized you are, the more empowered and efficient you’ll be.
The Divorce Process Timeline: How does a Divorce Coach Fit?
Here’s a rough outline of where coaching fits into the Minnesota divorce journey:
- Pre-decision phase: Feeling unsure? A coach helps you explore your options.
This is the stage where you’re questioning everything. Should I stay? Should I go? Will this get better? A divorce coach provides a neutral, nonjudgmental space to help you sort through emotions and logistics without pressure. This is a safe time to explore your values, your needs, and your fears—and start gathering clarity before you talk to an attorney or your spouse.
- Planning phase: Want to separate peacefully? A coach helps you build your plan.
If you’ve decided to divorce, the next step is making a plan. A coach helps you organize your thoughts, documents, and desired outcomes before anything gets filed. We’ll discuss options for mediation vs. litigation, what to expect financially, and how to minimize harm to children. This phase is crucial for building the foundation for a respectful, cost-conscious process.
- Mediation prep: Working with a mediator? A coach helps you prepare.
If you’re pursuing mediation (as many Minnesota couples do), coaching is the best prep tool available. We rehearse scenarios, anticipate challenges, and help you show up calm and confident. Whether the topic is parenting time or asset division, preparation makes a difference in how you present yourself and negotiate.
- Legal phase: Already filed? A coach helps you communicate effectively.
Even if attorneys are now involved, coaching is still valuable. I help clients navigate court communication, attorney meetings, discovery prep, and settlement discussions. Emotional dysregulation in this stage can cost thousands of dollars—coaching helps reduce those spikes and stay on course.
- Post-divorce recovery: Feeling lost after? A coach helps you rebuild.
Once the legal dust settles, many people feel lost. Who am I now? How do I co-parent with this person I just divorced? How do I budget solo? Post-divorce coaching helps with identity, rebuilding routines, and learning how to live well in this new chapter.
Wherever you are, coaching adapts to your needs.
Key takeaway: Coaching supports you at every stage; from initial uncertainty to post-divorce recovery.
What to Do Next
If you’re:
- Feeling confused or stuck
- Not sure how to begin
- Concerned about costs or conflict
- Wondering whether you need an attorney
Start with a free discovery session.
As a certified divorce coach and mediator, I’ll help you assess your options, explore your goals, and decide whether coaching, mediation, or legal counsel is right for your next step.
Ready to Talk?
Let’s find the right next step for you. I offer free clarity calls to help you get grounded and explore your best options. Schedule your Free consultation now.
