Let’s face it, any holiday season can be challenging, but co-parenting following a divorce usually adds to the complexity. Holidays are filled with a wonderful blend of emotions, practical concerns, and a mix of traditions. Although feeling overwhelmed is natural, there are tips for a Joyful Season – After Divorce, the secret is to inhale deeply and be prepared. The circumstances can seem difficult, but let’s walk through how to co-parent well during the holidays.
It’s hard to stay calm during the holidays. After getting divorced, this may be your first holiday without your ex. You may feel sad, angry, or guilty. Not being able to spend time with your kids on big holidays can be sad and make you feel alone. Remember that this is only temporary and is part of the longer time of getting used to things.
Sharing time during the holidays can cause stress or even anger. It can be easier if you go over your parenting plan ahead of time and talk about it with your co-parent. If you don’t have a clear plan, you might want to come up with one together.
Start by reviewing the parenting plan and how you will spend time together during the holidays. You may be worried or even angry about sharing time, but having a good plan will help you handle things better. Talk to the other parent about how to split up time if you don’t already have a clear parenting plan. You can spend more time making memories with your kids instead of rushing around at the last minute if you take care of the details ahead of time. If you haven’t planned yet, you need to do it right away. Parenting plan tips and templates
Look at the kids’ school plans, events, and family traditions that both parents want to keep. Your holiday season will be less stressful if you take care of these things as soon as possible.
Holidays are emotionally charged. If this is your first holiday after divorce, you could feel depressed, angry, or even guilty. Not spending a major holiday with your children can be rather distressing and lonely. Remember in these times that this is only temporary and within line with a longer period of adapting. Managing emotions after divorce
Instead of repressing your emotions, acknowledge them, and deal with them at your own pace. Recognize that you don’t have to let your emotions lead you.
Think about the good things in your life and how you can make the holidays fun for your kids. It’s fine to miss old habits. Instead, find new ways to have fun with your kids. You can choose to be grateful for what you already have. Kids pick up on stress very quickly, so keeping your feelings in check is important for their health. It’s normal to miss how the holidays used to be, but don’t let that stop you from giving your kids new, fun things to do. Creating new family traditions after divorce
Difficult Co-Parent Tips
Particularly in cases with high conflict, co-parenting isn’t always a seamless procedure. These useful techniques help one to handle the unavoidable roadblocks:
While flexibility is essential over the holidays, one should also hold boundaries. One parent’s last-minute wish to shift days can disturb things. Tell them kindly but firmly of the agreement until a real emergency develops. Flexibility ought to be two-fold rather than only one.
This season is about the kids, not about one-upping your co-parent. Steer clear of trying to outshine the other parent with gifts or activities since it will just cause conflict. Focus on being stress-free and valuing your time with your children.
Extended family is a wild card during the holidays. If grandparents or other relatives requested certain days with the children, your co-parenting arrangement may be called into question. Talking early about extended family plans with your co-parent can help you to be ahead of this and create reasonable expectations among relatives.
Avoid confusion by setting rules with your family. Setting clear limits keeps the focus on the kids’ fun and keeps things from getting too tense.
If schedule problems come up, take a deep breath and take a moment to think about what to do. Don’t get angry or mean with your co-parent, and if you need to, think about mediation to help the two of you work through the issue. Co-parenting communication app
If having direct conversations is hard, a mediator can help parents have productive talks that will make the holidays less stressful for everyone. Benefits of family mediation
Holiday co-parenting is not something you have to perfect overnight. First create your plan; secondly, break it out into logical steps. From mastering emotions to setting boundaries with extended family, this process takes time.
When things feel overwhelming, think about the well-being of your children. Giving this goal some thought can help you relax and avoid stress.
If you’re having trouble with timing or feelings, you might want to talk to a family mediator. As a trained mediator and co-parenting guide, I can help the family have a peaceful and happy holiday season.
Take advantage of a FREE 15 minute discovery session with The Bridging Coach to ask questions and get help.
Photo by NATHAN MULLET on Unsplash
CDC Certified Divorce Coach®
CDC Divorce Transition and Recovery Coach®
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763-290-0434
Minneapolis, MN
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